Compliments of Costco, or something.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Tonight Jarom and I made a much needed run to Costco. Our fridge and freezer were getting low on the staples and we decided the best place to fill the bill was the 100 dollar store.

I love Costco. Mainly because you can pick up pretty much anything there. Bagels, roast 3 packs, bright heads of romaine lettuce, tubs of cottage cheese, ripe red strawberries, and unsolicited marital advice. Did you know that they were offering it there? They are, free of charge, by floral patterned pants wearing old ladies casually standing behind you.

"I love your necklace!" I heard loudly behind me.
I turned around to see an older asian lady smiling at me. She was dressed to the nines with a very busy outfit and perfect hair and makeup "I love your necklace." She repeated again.
"Oh thank you!" I said smiling and went back to loading my groceries on the conveyer belt. I get comments on this necklace all the time, usually people ask where I got it, or just want to tell me they like it. This lady had another agenda.

"Is it a sea horse?" She asked.
"Yeah." I said, turning to chat with her, leaving the loading to Jarom. "I love sea horses."
"That would look great with white. Turquoise looks great with white." She said, repeating herself.
"It does." I agreed. "It looks good with black too." She looked at me, and shook her head. Apparently turquoise does not look good with black. I really wish someone had told me. I am so embarrassed.

"You know," she said, "when I was your age I used to dress up a lot. You should dress up and wear that necklace."
"I should." I acknowledge, thinking that statement was odd. "But I'm kind of a jeans and tee-shirt girl. I don't get dressed up too often."
"Well you should." she said worriedly. "You should get dressed up for..." and she points at Jarom secretly. "You don't want him to leave you. Lots of girls let themselves go and wonder what happened when their husbands lose interest."

Now I realize that I was not looking my best. I had been working on taxes, and one of my eyes had gone lazy from focusing on the computer all day while the other was twitching erratically. My hair which had looked great curled the day before was haphazardly pulled in a messy bun that had grown messier from my Chiropractors visit and frequent pulling from the stress of working out deductions. Most of my mascara was on my chin and my boobs have shrunk to the size of raisens from losing 15 pounds recently. But still, no one wants to hear that a stranger who doesn't know you considers you to be in some varying stage of letting yourself go, or that you just might have reached the climax. I was completely taken off guard.

"I do get dressed up!" I exclaimed, feeling slightly defensive but starting to laugh out of shock. "Today is just not my best day." I'm sure I sound desperate.

She looks disbelieving, of course I would say that. To her I look like the girl who is having an affair with a box of Krispy Kremes. I am on the downhill slope.

"Well you should." She confirms. "You don't want to let yourself go. It gets worse after you have a baby. Some women completely let go and wonder why their husbands leave them. You don't want to be one of them." she warns. Is this lady for real?

"You're a pretty girl," she says eying me. "You're tall and thin, you should really dress up for your husband." Really?

Finally I just start laughing, "Well, I'll do that." I say and turn to help Jarom at the register instead of going in circles with a lady who thinks I need some tough love before I let myself turn into Quasimodo.

I might have backhanded her but she said I was thin.

So I'll let it go, but that is the last time I get dragged into conversation with an old lady in flowered pants.

When I told Jarom who was paying for the groceries and missed the whole exchange, he started to laugh and said, "Obviously she doesn't know me. I don't care if you dress up... besides it gives me an excuse for when I leave you." Nice. Love my man. The old lady not so much.


Colleen said...

Well, that blog was a great way to end the day. My stomach hurts from laughing. Oh, my. Some people.

Tasha said...

I just love people. Seriously. Haven't people ever heard "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all." I don't think so. This just gave me a good laugh. Glad you got some good free marital advice from a lady in flowered pants. I love you Holly. You make me happy.

Moore Family said...

OH HOLLY..... Love you.... I wish I'd been there. I can totally picture and hear the whole thing in my head as if I had been there. Thanks for the laugh.

Carly Jane said...

That is hilarious! Seriously, some people! Glad you could take it all with a grain of salt. Two days ago I went the extra effort to "dress up" (in somethign other than jeans a big t-shirt)... and Jeremy didn't even notice until I pointed it out. Haha! I'll take it :)

oswilliamson said...

Some people are a piece of work...I'm going to put together some of my "not-so-helpful comments" from strangers and write it down for my girls. I'm sure they'll get a kick out of it someday. Costco of all places! I didn't know the crazies shopped there! I'll be more careful :)

AND, congratulations!! 15 pounds is awesome...I'm giving myself the weekend and going to enjoy Easter treats and food and then I'm going to try to kick my butt into shape :) You're doing a great job! I might be calling you for some recipes ;)

Grant and Taryn Layton said...

Saw "the necklace" on Melody's blog :) Cute! I was jealous of your little outing too :) Loved the story, so hilarious!

Debora said...

and you were wearing a necklace and everything! What is this world coming to!? :)

Jen Scott said...

Um! Really? What a weirdo. Sometimes people should just keep their mouths shut. Nothing good comes out.

By the way, turquoise does go with black.. just not with flower pants. :)

Lets get some craft on! I am adding you to my b-log list!


sarawhat said...

BAH AHAHAHAHA. Like you should EVER take advice from a woman wearing flower pants. And btw, all I want in life is someone in costco to tell me I'm thin...would make my year. :)

Matt and Melody Odell said...

Hi Holly, just wanted to tell you I love you. Keep writing your really good. And I am in love with those necklaces too. Lastly, gotta try those GF cookies.