Quick Change Artists

Have you ever been deceived by a purchase, whereupon further examination the product was woefully misrepresented itself? For instance, you go into a store and the shirt that looks amazing in their mirror, at home makes you resemble the donut you had for breakfast. Or perhaps the sample at Costco that tasted divine at the sample table tastes like a school lunch on your own. It is always very confusing when these things happen. You can't help but wonder where the exchange took place and how you didn't see it coming.

The other morning as I got out of the shower I decided to use a lotion sample that had been removed from the Treasure Island Hotel in Las Vegas. When I first opened the bottle the scent that came forth was delicious. It smelled like India; the scent of foreign spices and exotic flowers mingled into a white lotion (at least thats what I imagine India would smell like if it were infused into a bottle). I sniffed it a few times to make sure that I wouldn't mind the smell for the rest of the day. I didn't imagine that the lotion would soon resemble a less enthusiastic scent.

Within moments of lathering my arms and legs entirely with the lotion, I soon discovered a different smell. Instead of smelling like Treasure Island lotion it smelled like Treasure Island Pirate. Yes pirate and not the glorified Jack Sparrow variety with fabulous eyeliner. The smell of salt and sweat wafted up from my arms to my nose making it wrinkle up in disgust.

"What smells like armpit?" I wondered, sniffing around. But it wasn't authentic armpit, instead it was the rank lotion that somehow went rancid within minutes of leaving the bottle. It was like the equivalently of smelling what someone had for dinner last night on their skin. I felt dirty and Piratey and I worried that for the rest of the day I would attract Pirate moments. It wouldn't have surprised me if promptly leaving my house a parrot alighted on my shoulder and said, "Ahoy thar matey!" Or if I somehow got into a bar fight when I stopped at 7-eleven for a diet Pepsi.

What most baffled me was how the lotion went from divine to disgusting in 2 minutes flat. Even more so was the strange inclination I had to don a patch and roll my R's when they fell into my sentence, how did a smell evoke such strong emotions. And I even thought of a pirate joke I'd recently head that this lotion reminded me of:

A pirate walks into a bar. Promptly the bartender notices that inside the pirates pants is a steering wheel. Concerned the bartender cautiously asks "Excuse me, but did you know that there is a steering wheel in your pants?" The pirate eyes the bartender, looks down and states, "Aye, and it's drivin' me nuts!"

So as a gesture of good will I warn you. BewarRRR the Treasure Island Lotion!