Storage Insurance

One of the joys that many people face when making a move is the lovely option of storing your belongings, your special memories, and all of your extremely breakable china inside a dark and slighly ominous unit that is prone to water damage, dirt and teetering boxes. Also, they are usually in a bad part of town complete with a bumm sleeping outside the gate and tumble weeds rolling determindly by. Why can't the unit be near areas where you aren't afraid to store your stuff, let alone get out of the car, you ask yourself?

Once inside the office, you are offered the option of insurance.
"I promise you're going to want this. If you don't, I will personally rob you myself." The woman all but says.
Jarom hands me the insurance page with one word instructions to "read," which I do, breezing over the contract looking for key words like, "water damage, earthquake, fire, etc." However, I quickly find that for the bargain of twelve dollars a month I am also covered up to the amount of three thousand dollars for things like, " sonic booms, spacecraft (UFO's abducting my kitchen-aid?), riots, civil commotion and falling objects."

"Oh good, Jarom." I said after noticing another perk, "if we decided to buy insurance we would be covered from self-propelled missiles."
"Excellent," Jarom responds, his face complete with a look of total seriousness. Across from us the woman helping us has a bewildered expression. I'm sure there are two thoughts flitting across her mind; 1) who actually reads insurance policys and 2) what exactly are we expecting to happen?

Moments later I discover that there are a few glitches in the policy that need to be addressed. For example we are covered for things like snow or volcanic eruptions in California but not war, neither are the poor animals that strange people keep in storage units or "garments trimmed in fur". Honestly, I would rather have my garments trimmed in fur covered than coverage from a hurricane, it just seems more reasonable. And yes, in case you are wondering I do have a garment trimmed in fur, it's a lovely gray coat that is probably from the seventies that Jarom would never be caught dead being seen with me when I'm wearing it.

I can feel the pressure to make a decision, and I want to say "I would love to buy the insurance, but can you add in the protection for the loss of property by accidental nuclear action? I just don't feel comfortable with that exclusion." But of course I don't.

And then it dawns on me. Can I trade? I am almost positive that no one would want my stuff if there was a riot, but I do want to be covered from floods.

"Here's what we'll do," I say. "you give me the nuclear action damage (whether accidental or not- yes it does say that), the garments trimmed in fur, and flooding damage protection, and I will withhold my rights to sonic boom, civil commotion, and spacecraft coverage."

Judging from the blank expression on the ladies face, there is no dice.
"Well than," I say, "I think we'll pass."

Now we just need to hold our breath that no sonic boom or self propelled missiles disrupt our things.

And on the topic of insurance policies, who writes that stuff?