Tonight I couldn't sleep. Instead, I found myself laying in bed considering all the aspects of my life.
I wish I could say that this happens occasionally but in reality I am often struck with feelings of waste and inadequacy. I feel that I am here to do something worthwhile yet what it is eludes me.
Often when I tell people that I worry I am wasting my life I get the standard answer that I am only 23... 24... 25... 26. If I was content with realizing I am just young and have much life to live that would be one thing. But occasionally I see that answer for what it is. For those who seek greatness of life they are promptings that there is much to do, for those who are content with good enough that answer is "You are young. You have time" and they are satisfied. One day people will stop giving that answer, and I don't want to wait until then to do something worthwhile with myself.
Many of our great leaders and historical figures had determined a course for themselves at a young age. Many times the course they chose wound in different directions until it led them to their destiny. Sometimes what they focused on at first was not what they were known for when they finally passed into the next life. The main idea was that they were active in leading their lives. And I feel stagnant.
So the questions I struggle with are "Why is it so hard to surpass the good enough to become great?" And "What do you do when what you felt was your purpose may never happen?" Where do you go next?
I have been feeling a lot of stress over seeing those around me progress while I remain motionless. And how do I not let feelings of regret and frustration blind me from my purpose? Which is what exactly?
In a message from Elder Faust he says:
Each of us is a unique creation of our Heavenly Father. No two of us are completely alike. No one else has exactly the same gifts and talents that we have been given. We should increase those talents and gifts and use them to leverage our uniqueness. ... “Some persons have the idea that talent, creativity, moral stability, or greatness are not in the realm of youth, but are reserved to those who are older. This is not so.”
I'm not really sure where I wanted to go with this post. It was just on my mind so it's mostly rambling. I guess I just wanted to remind myself not to settle for good enough and to begin my process of bettering myself.
6 comments :
Well, I think you are pretty fabulous.
I know what you are saying, though. I think about all the people who have done something amazing and it never just fell on their lap. They work HARD. Think about Jennifer Lopez. She doesn't sing that great. She wasn't all that pretty. But man, that girl worked her butt off. She danced and danced and trained until finally someone gave her a break. Not a big break, but all she wanted was one foot in the door. And then she worked even harder and pushed even harder. No one could tell her no.
Or look at tiger woods. I'm sure some people would argue that no matter how hard they tried they could never be that good. But has anyone tried that hard? He has been training ALL his life. It may or may not have come naturally. No one can know for sure because he has never stopped pushing himself or perfecting his craft. He is dedicated. of one mind.
You are no different. You have so many talents. Singing, writing, not dancing, though. :) You have the natural ability in those areas. I would kill to be able to sing to my babies. They let me, but it doesn't sound pretty. You, on the other hand, could sell CD's. I don't know if that is still an interest, but if it is, It's not too late. You ARE young. But young is when you need to do it, so work hard now.
You also have a gift for writing. Start by focusing on one story. Just one. Make very little goals and don't stop. Finish one project all the way through before you start another. I know you can do this and I would LOVE to help. Send me your drafts, ideas, and we can brainstorm. I love hearing your thoughts, it guides me in a better direction. Maybe I can do that for you.
But whatever you decide to go for, I think you may find you end up somewhere even greater. You just have to go for it.
You can do it Holls. I just know it.
holly-
this is something that everyone struggles with. especially people that are creative and/or want to "make something" of themselves, their talents, their life, etc. you are NOT alone in this!
one thing i recommend is find your passion. i assume you have found it in writing. second, feel absolutely BLESSED that you found it. third, find a way to make a living out of it. this sometimes requires creativity, it all the time requires meeting new and interesting people that can lead you to new doors of opportunity, it requires research, networking (i mean, serious networking), setting goals, finding your niche, etc. its working even when you dont have a commission or a deadline. it requires answering all the really hard questions, and making risky decisions (such as what niche to appeal to, what style of writing to specialize in- even though can do it all!).
you need to sit down with yourself and your journal. write down what it is to be "successful" in your eyes. is it writing for the newspaper and going into syndication? is it writing books and selling them at a national level? is it book tours and lectures and morning spots on the talk/news program? is it making it onto Oprah's book club list?
list what you like looks and feels like due to this success.
what do you have to do to get there? what will you have to balance along the way so that you can maintain your family life? what will you have to sacrifice to get what you want? are you willing to make that sacrifice?
these are the hard questions. they will keep you up at night. they will keep you thinking. you will procrastinate answering them because once you do- there is no going back. once answered, you can finally feel like you are on track, you will feel calm, you will KNOW that you are doing what YOU need/want/must do to fulfill your life and your talents.
once you know where you want to end up, start researching/reading/googling EVERYTHING possible to gain knowledge in your field, the steps you must take to get published, the professional organizations you must join for credibility, when to get an agent, how to negotiate, where the major players can be reached and how, etc. etc. etc.
if you want to talk more about this- and i can inspire you for hours, im sure- email me! i am the biggest champion of people wanting to fulfill their dreams. we have dreams for a reason. i have some good books you can read, too- about marketing yourself, networking, etc.
I need you to leave me some recipes. All your good and easy ones. ALL OF THEM. Including your taco salad that Megan raved about. You have to if you love me...
How's that for pressure?
Oh how I love you Holly. Can I Just say that. I love this post. Maybe because so many of us question the same things or just feel very stagnant. Lately I have had some things fall into my life where I have observed and had much thought. One being when my Grandpa passed away this last February and then again this last week when a lady from my ward (but had been in the singles ward as the Bishop's wife since we've lived here so I didn't know her) passed away in a sudden and unusual way. Both these people have left such a huge impact because both left such legacys. They were not huge in the eyes of millions, but huge in the eyes of 100's. They each were different in their gifts and talents, but both lived their WHOLE lives working hard, blessing others, and "doing" things. They were "doers" not just watchers. They have reminded me of what I want to "do". It may be in the small things even, but am I working hard even in those? Am I giving my all in my callings, to my husband, to my family? Do I work and serve and go go go? Do I serve and bless or do I gossip and talk down? I have found from my grandfather and from this lady a desire to spend my life working hard to leave a legacy of example, faith, love, and to have accomplished things. They don't have to be famous or great in the eyes of everyone, but great in the eyes of the Lord and to those that I have touched. And often enough we really never know how many we touch. Okay, I feel like I am rambling. But, thank you for being reflective and for helping us to do the same.
Holly,
First of all I just want to say that you are a bright, upbeat, positive, talented and beautiful gal.
Second of all, the words "Hakuna Matata" come to mind. I have been watching Lion King waaaaay too much lately, thanks to a certain little girl.
Thirdly, not that I have mastered this area in my life, but the biggest thing that we can all do for ourselves is build a close and prayerful relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. It seems that in so many instances, your world can be crumbling around you, but if you are close to the Lord, than you can get through and accomplish anything. Who wants more for us to be successful, happy, and progressing in life than Him! He is "the way, the truth, and the life". As long as we are living in line with Him, we are promised to find ultimate happiness. We will have GREATNESS in His eyes and that is what matters more than anything!! Anything!
So those are my thoughts, if you are progressing in that area, spiritually, although it might not be so so visible to the outside world, you can feel more accomplished and at peace than any other milestone, or outward accomplishment can ever bring you. (If that makes any sense...)
I need to remind myself of this all too often!
Two quick thoughts. First Ghengis Khan was 50 before he left the borders of Mongolia but still managed to amass the largest empire in history. It essentially took 50 years of smoldering before he burst into brilliant, unstoppable flame. The right foundation, be it experience or skill, takes time to build but is the key to greatness. Second, talent equals work. One of my favorite quotes on artistic talent comes second hand from the French writer Guy de Maupassant. In describing his own development, he recounts an appraisal given to him by Flaubert: "I don't know whether you will have any talent. What you have brought to me proves you have some intelligence, but... talent is simply long patience. Work." Voila. If you want more proof, James Mitchner wrote about the process of writing his novel 'Mexico.' In it, he said that he had a number of friends who were better writers than he but were still unpublished. What they lacked was the drive to get up and type away every morning for a couple of hours before work. At last count (I just looked this up on Wikipedia) Michner wrote 40 novels and sold an estimated 175 million copies of his work. Not bad. Another book I read on innovation, the Medici Effect, basically stated that the main difference between the greatest innovators and everyone else is volume. Great innovators simple do WAY than there more mundane contemporaries. Any way, I guess my point is that you shouldn't worry about your gifts or achieving greatness. Pursue something you enjoy with passion and energy (or something don't) and greatness will take care of itself. On it's own timeframe. Last note, it's my experience the most fascinating, satisfying lives are usually stumbled on--if you have the energy, direction seems to take care of itself. Love ya.
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