So I've been prawling Katherine's blog and noticed she had some amazing stories of her most embarrassing moments ever. I thought it would be fun to put a few down in here too so that I don't forget.
For those of you who knew me as a kid, you will also know that puberty was NOT kind to me. In fact, it probably would have been kinder if she had stopped toying with me and just got to the point of beating me with the ugly stick. For this reason it makes this story that much more awful. I'm sure it didn't help that my sense of high fashion included most of my friends dress up boxes and cast off clothes which I wore with an unnatural relish.
When I was about 12 I went to the St. Bonaventure Fair with my best friend Mischa. We had carefully picked out "mature and flattering" (or hideous) outfits that would attract other boys our age. I unleashed all my glory in a black leotard (no bra, but we'll get to that) with a flowy southwestern printed skirt and slouchy gray boots. Though the mirror reflected a pudgy, pointy chested pre-teen with bad teeth and knotty hair, I felt pretty darn hot after I applied the fire engine red lipstick a little above my lip line to make my lips fuller.
Mischa's dad dropped us off at the fair and told us he would pick us up at five. I don't really remember anything particular about the afternoon except riding a few attractions, walking around the booths and winning an ash tray that I forced upon my mom as a crystal jam bowl for fancy meals, which she sweetly used. Toward the end of our day I needed to use the bathroom and of course all that was available were some port-a-potties with a long line.
At my turn I entered the smelly square, locked the door (I swear I did) and proceeded to roll down my leotard and skirt to use the potty. At the exact moment of complete, shall we say, freedom about the last thing on the planet that I expected to happen, happened. Probably the cutest boy in the whole world (he had to have been 18 or so) opened my door and got the biggest surprise of his life.
Picture this: chunky little girl, with an ackward body, pointy kid chest (that until then I had not considered candidates for a bra but was quickly aware of the benefits of one), belly rolls that strangly resembled the slouchy boots and leotard ensamble inconveniently around my ankles. I'm sure I looked like an unpealed fleshy raisen in all my natural glory. He screamed. I screamed. We all screamed not for ice cream but sweet humanity.
Here's where my title comes in. I'm sure that this vision is still engrained in his mind. I know his expression is still in mine. I'd be surprised if his vision of me in the porta-potty didn't scar him forever. Though I can look back and laugh at until up to then was the most tragic moment of my life, he only can think of the time he walked in on a naked girl in a stall. I'm sure he scratched his head over that one many a time.
13 comments :
That was the best laugh I've had all week.
And yes, you were chubby, but you were also pretty cute.
Oh Holly! Oh my gosh, I am dying! That one is so much better than any of mine. I love it! It feels so good to laugh at these embarassing moments, doesn't it? You tell the story so well.
Your sister's right. You were always adorable! I remember I used to make you sing all the time. You have such a pretty voice!
Alright - mail this into a studio- Start writing for a t.v.series, or a movie, or publish a book. How funny! There are many people who like the idea of being a writer, and there are those who write. I always feel like I am right there with you in the crucial moment of the story. You are one in a million. But more importantly the phone number Jarom gave me doesn't work? Where are you? Angee
This is not only one of the best laughs I have had in a while but you are such a descriptive writer, I feel embarrassed right along with you.
And you were always so beautiful Holly. In so many more ways than you ever thought back then.
Holly Tanner....or not Tanner I guess. I love that I have found your blog. Makes me so happy....love,Sara (Powell) Horrocks. :)
Oh my gosh Holly I am laughing so hard that I am crying. That is the best story and you tell it so well. You are hilarious!!! I have an embarrassing story that happened to me at that fair too. It no where near compares though.
I hope things are going well with you!!
LMAO! Oh Holls, lol! I could totally see the outfit in my mind, that was almost too hilarious! I liked the raisen comparison, lol, I still can't breath.
I remember you as that little chubby girl!! LOL. You are sure beautiful now!! Anyhow, you were always great for a good story! Melissa
Okay the laughs get better and you are a talented writer!
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